Monday...argh!!! i did badly for my Bd presentation...shivering and trembling in my presentation....YUCKS!!! Fucking sad that i didnt do well...cos i did practiced infront of the mirror but i still can't get over that phobia of stage right and tongue-tied..EEEeeee...hate it la.....after 2 years of practices still like that...quite sad lo....hope i will do better in future...

i was abit disappointed..when i know that i treat A as one of my buddies yet from A's mouth i knew that i wasn't that important as how A to me..what a devastating feeling....i know there is one saying that "Don't expect any return when you treat someone good" well..i didn't! just that i'm feeling down cos its hurt...its that kind of pain which i had suffered in the friendship of marie and brenda... eversince, such incident i dare not to share much of my problems and secrets to any of my friends..but when i met A, A was someone i can share and trust..at times we do have the same views and thoughts that makes me feel like we are one 'clicks' haiz...just wondering when can i find a real buddy or so- called 'zhi ji' ?? just like wat baby-sis said to me...sometimes in my life you may not even find one...haiz.... i don't view such thing as anyone's fault but it was mine instead..perhaps i'm someone who have more bad than good characters that makes me not to taste any of the longest and sweetest friendship...recently, to A's issue, i did tell sis and dose it consider as gossip? or just sharing my feelings with sis? i hope it is not gossip..as i don't think there is anything i despite worse than gossip...it cause undue contention and strife...TRUST is destroyed and FRIENDSHIPS are broken when poisonous contents of such thing leak..anyway..i think i'm going tooo far..hehe..

i received his letter..yeah nothing much was mentioned in that letter..just that he told me how's his feeling? and the rest was replying to my previous letter..knowing that after reading my previous letter..he's feeling much better..that's good...

+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:FOR A FRIEND:+:+:+:+:+::+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:+:

sometimes i know i did neglect you..attitude you..... i know u will be reading this..so i would like to use this chance to say this to you...sometimes some thing are hard to express it out..but appreciating others without telling them is like winking at someone in the dark....i am glad that despite of those bad points i have...i still deserve your care and concern...im really touched by you when i received your message before test, those encouragement and supportive words from you...THANKS for being my listener and THANKS for being there when i need you !!! just like what we said..one can't really totally understand the other one's feelings...but i do believe that even if i can't understand your feeling i will still be there whenever you need me....

be happy~
missing.u....